your only obligation is HIM

I have been quite the night owl the past couple of weeks. For those of you who know me, this is something that happened on a rare occasion. Since I have been living here, I really have not cared about what time I go to sleep and if I wake up the next morning tired then oh well...it's just sleep, one day I will catch up on it. Of course all of my west coast friends love that I stay up until all hours of the night talking with them instead of sleeping. I wouldn't change it for a second!
One thing I have been doing lately is when I can't sleep is opening up my Bible and reading it. I have found that all I need to do is ask and seek my Heavenly Father and He has all the answers. We can just sit around and wait for God to show us where He wants us and His will for out lives but have we really even asked Him. That is something that was really eye opening to me lately. When I actually ask God for help, He has an answer. My brother, Aaron randomly text the other day at just the perfect time. He said, "April, be where God wants you because you'll never have true joy anywhere else. If you are growing then I think that's where God wants you and your only obligation is to Him." God used this random text from my brother to bless me...Those words spoke so profoundly to me because it is so true. My only obligation is to God and no one else. Wherever He wants me in this life  is where I want to be. For now, it is here in Pennsylvania, but it is so exciting to really let go and let God lead the plan He has in store for my life wherever that may be in the future!

thankful

Well today marks me living in PA for two months now. Woo Hoo...I made it so far!!! Its been a while since I've blogged last and a lot has happened since...
My new job is going really well and I absolutely love it. The hour drive up and back is really annoying but I am getting used to it. Will drives in the morning and I drive home. On my way to work I started reading this book called Captivating. It really has taught me a lot and I think every girl needs to read it.
I am all settled in and have a semi routine that like to do on my days off. Tuesdays and Thursdays I get all my school work done so that I can avoid having to do it on the weekends. A few weeks ago I started going to this women's Bible study with my sister on Tuesday nights. It is nice to be around other Christian women...I am the youngest one there and the only one who is not married but it has allowed me to learn things that I otherwise would not have learned. Also on my days off, I have been trying to work out and go tanning. My new thing has been renting movies...I've never really had time to go to the movies or rent them in the past but now I have a little more time so I thought that I should start catching up on some movies that I have been wanting to see...I rented a ton of movies in the past week...sex and the city 2, love happens, all about steve, what happened to the morgans, date night, eat pray love, the killers, and shutter island...haven't watched them all yet but of the ones I have, some of them not so good but others I was pleasantly surprised.
Two weeks ago we went to try out a new church. I was so excited because I have really been praying about finding a church that I feel at home at and have been wanting to get involved in a college group and meet people my age who have a love for God. The second I walked into this church, I knew it was where I was supposed to be...Everyone was so unbelievably welcoming and loving. That is how church is supposed to be but it kind of shocked me because I was not used to feeling so at home. I got information about their college group which is every Thursday night...I tried it out last Thursday and could not have been more blessed. The people were again so welcoming and came up to me and introduced themselves. I literally look forward to church now! I get all excited every week to go. Worship is something that I long for...it is the place that I feel closest to God and their worship is AMAZING!!! The service is amazing as well and I am continuing to grow from it.
Another thing that I have been learning lately is that each and every life is so precious and I can not take one day for granted. Finding out that my dad has prostate cancer is something that you really never prepare yourself for. It is a scary feeling and especially because there is that fear of the unknown. Then on top of that, I get a call early Saturday morning from my dad and I freaked out because I did not know why he was calling so early. Him and my step mom were on their way to their house in Pinetop, AZ that they go to every Thanksgiving. My dad was driving and an Elk jumped out in front of his suburban while he was driving 75 mph not giving him and time to even hit his breaks, and he hit it. It totalled his truck and deployed both air bags but thank God His hand of protection was over them and they are both fine and injury free. It really got me thinking and put life in perspective...you never know when your last phone conversation will be or the last time that you see someone. From here on out, I am trying to live each day to the fullest and make sure I tell my friends and family that I love them because no one is promised tomorrow. It has given me a joyful attitude. I have been so happy lately and laughing as much as possible.
Today I have been missing my friends and family more than usual. I think it's because of the holidays coming up. I have half of my family here with me which is awesome but the other half is in California and they are missed. THANKFUL is what I am feeling right now! Thankful for my wonderful family and wonderful friends even if they are across the country. I am so thankful for my WONDERFUL God who shows me so much grace, gives me life, fills me with love, and a joyful heart. Nothing feels better than knowing my God can do anything and He proves that to me on a daily basis! I am SOOOO in love with HIM!!! Happy Thanksgiving. Remember you have so much to be thankful for!

one of those days...

I really needed some extra motivation today because I had a huge list of things to do and did not even get half the things done. Oh well, I guess that will be on my list of things to do tomorrow. Let's hope that I am in a more motivated mood than I was today.
Today I have felt pretty frustrated for some reason. I don't know if I am just stressed out with school or missing home, or what is making me feel like this. Ugh...when I am in these moods I tend to take it out on other people which is not the best thing. I kind of went off on my sister today but things are fine now. I'm going to take it one step at a time and realize that everything is going to work out because it always does. No need to stress about it. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start and that is what I have to look forward to!

everything happens for a reason :)

When I decided to move out here, I had been planning on being a nanny because it is something that I love and good at. I had a lot of jobs possibilities lined up and met with families when I arrived. The two that worked best were really part time only like a couple hours one or two nights a week. I was doing that for a while but I still needed something a little more full time. My brother-in-law, Will said that his office had really needed help at their office and that they are looking to hire someone else. I jumped right on that and told him that I was totally interested. Will's brother Ryan was the one that would be hiring me and I was waiting for a phone call from him to talk about the job position. He me on Saturday and asked if I was interested and I said I was so he asked if I could start Monday(yesterday). I said of course and I was really excited and a little nervous because it is something new and that can always be a little intimidating. My uniform is navy blue scrubs and I was super excited about that because for some reason I have always wanted to wear scrubs...haha. Not to mention they are super comfortable and I won't ever have to think about what I am wearing to work. I will be working Mon, Wed, Frid from 8ish-7ish...it's an hour away so Will and I will drive together which will be nice. I would say my first day went well. It was a lot of information crammed into my brain but throughout the day I felt pretty comfortable with things considering it was my first day. The only thing that makes me pretty nervous is answering the phone because I do not know enough about everything to have questions asked of me that I do not know the answers to. It will just take time and a little practice though.
I have been so happy and content lately. It is a really good place to be in and I feel at peace that everything is playing out the way it should be. Taking this huge step out and moving across the country was something I never thought I could have done but up to this point and I am SO sure I made the right decision! Being content and happy is such a good place to be because it has been a while since I have felt like this. I had always needed someone else to make that happen. Now that I am finally alone and away from all that I can finally live life for me and not depend on anyone else for that happiness. I have learned that I can not depend on people, especially guys in my life, for my happiness. That has to come first before I will ever be ready to be in another relationship...even though that is the farthest thing from what I want or need but the funny thing is that I am very much okay with that. I can not even remember back to a time where I have felt this good inside!
Today we drove to Pittsburgh...we've been there quite a few times since I have been here. That's where all the fun things are and the city is absolutely beautiful! We went to eat lunch at CPK which just opened today and we were super excited about that because they do not have any around here. It may have been the first one in Pittsburgh, not sure. Then we went to this huge mall which is pretty much like South Coast. Loved it. I did a little shopping which is always fun. Then we ended out little Pittsburgh adventure with some yummy Jamba Juice which is also not near us. Pittsburgh is the place we have to go to get all out yummy cravings that are on pretty much every corner in California. We must really want it because we drive like 45 min to an hour to get it. Haha..it SO worth it though. I guess that's all for my update...

what is love?

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
This is the TRUE meaning of love!

Here I am

Well here I am almost a month later after my sister, mom, and I took our road trip across the country to my new home in PA. When we arrived here, it was a bit of a chaotic couple of weeks because we were in the process of moving to a new house from Greensburg to New Alexandria. We are finally all settled in and I am loving my own space. It is starting to feel a little like home. There has been quite a transition for me but I am starting to get into a routine and staying busy. I am working as a nanny part time for a few different families but am hoping to find something a little more full time but it will do for now.
Being out here has giving me a lot of time to think, maybe too much time, and I have had a whirlwind of emotions going through my mind. I really have to reason with myself and know that God showed me that this was where He wanted me to be so I need to make the most of it because He is teaching me a lot. It is important for me to know that the decisions I have made in the past were the right ones and I need to stop second guessing myself. Learning to be content being alone and learning what is truly most important in life if what I am figuring out. Life is too short to go look back on the past with regret. Every person in my past and every relationship I have been in has made me who I am today and I truly have learned so much about myself from each experience. Life is so much easier when you look at it as a learning experience and grow from it.
I am so excited and nervous for what is in store for me. Not knowing what is going to come next or what the next step in my life will be can be a little scary but I am ready for what lies ahead.

when your standing at a crossroad there's a choice you've gotta make..

Well, where do I begin...I thought that I would start blogging just to get my feelings out and have something to look back on. The past few months of my life have been a whirlwind of events to say the least. MANY MANY things have happened that I never thought to would see coming. Nothing is going to stop me though...I am trying to take each thing that has happened and learn and grow from the experience. I was looking forward to summer as I do every year but I was definitely not prepared for what was to come this summer. In May, I was in PA visiting my sister and her family...we called my mom on her birthday and learned that she had gotten engaged the night before. Instantly I started crying not knowing why...I guess I just wasn't expecting it. I am totally happy for her but it's just kind of weird because you never think you are going to be planning your mom's wedding before your own. A week later I ended my over two and half year relationship with my boyfriend...one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and still going through it. I thought that I was the next in line to get married but oh was I wrong. A week after my break up, I found out that my brother Adam is engaged. Again, happy for them but really?! Not the greatest timing considering I am an emotional mess at this point...a few days after that I find out that my dad is getting married in a week on his cruise!!! ANYONE ELSE?! Everyone around me is getting married and all though I should feel happier inside it is kind of hard considering what I am going through. I am happy for all of them I just never saw all this coming so quickly and was not prepared at all. I'm not the greatest at dealing with emotions and feelings and usually just try to ignore them and act like everything is fine. The past two months I have felt like I have zero control over my emotions. When I thought things couldn't be flipped around anymore, oh was I wrong. My mom and brother are engaged, dad got married, broke up with my boyfriend, best friend is moving to Oregon...you would think that would be it. NOPE!!! I find out I will no longer have my nanny job in August that I have been working at for over two and half years because they are putting their kids in preschool. I have never been so unsure about what the next step in my life will be. I have decided that I am going to move to PA with my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and nephew in mid september. It is something that I have been thinking about ever since my sister moved out there but it was just never the right timing or I always had something here in CA holding me back. I feel that every road is leading me to do this and that it is the right decision. I have prayed over and over again and God had showed me nothing but green lights to do it. I am at a place in my life right now where I have nothing to depend on and only new and exciting things to experience. This is something that makes me scared, excited, sad, and happy all at the same time. I am looking forward to this journey and all that is going to come along with it...I have nothing to lose and only new life changing experiences to gain. So...BRING IT ON!!! I've gotten through this whirlwind so far...what's adding one more turn in my life :) The fear of the unknown is kind of scary but I am oh so ready for this!

I don't think that I have related more to a song than this one...

"Starts With Goodbye"

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
Na na na na na na na.