Well, where do I begin...I thought that I would start blogging just to get my feelings out and have something to look back on. The past few months of my life have been a whirlwind of events to say the least. MANY MANY things have happened that I never thought to would see coming. Nothing is going to stop me though...I am trying to take each thing that has happened and learn and grow from the experience. I was looking forward to summer as I do every year but I was definitely not prepared for what was to come this summer. In May, I was in PA visiting my sister and her family...we called my mom on her birthday and learned that she had gotten engaged the night before. Instantly I started crying not knowing why...I guess I just wasn't expecting it. I am totally happy for her but it's just kind of weird because you never think you are going to be planning your mom's wedding before your own. A week later I ended my over two and half year relationship with my boyfriend...one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and still going through it. I thought that I was the next in line to get married but oh was I wrong. A week after my break up, I found out that my brother Adam is engaged. Again, happy for them but really?! Not the greatest timing considering I am an emotional mess at this point...a few days after that I find out that my dad is getting married in a week on his cruise!!! ANYONE ELSE?! Everyone around me is getting married and all though I should feel happier inside it is kind of hard considering what I am going through. I am happy for all of them I just never saw all this coming so quickly and was not prepared at all. I'm not the greatest at dealing with emotions and feelings and usually just try to ignore them and act like everything is fine. The past two months I have felt like I have zero control over my emotions. When I thought things couldn't be flipped around anymore, oh was I wrong. My mom and brother are engaged, dad got married, broke up with my boyfriend, best friend is moving to Oregon...you would think that would be it. NOPE!!! I find out I will no longer have my nanny job in August that I have been working at for over two and half years because they are putting their kids in preschool. I have never been so unsure about what the next step in my life will be. I have decided that I am going to move to PA with my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and nephew in mid september. It is something that I have been thinking about ever since my sister moved out there but it was just never the right timing or I always had something here in CA holding me back. I feel that every road is leading me to do this and that it is the right decision. I have prayed over and over again and God had showed me nothing but green lights to do it. I am at a place in my life right now where I have nothing to depend on and only new and exciting things to experience. This is something that makes me scared, excited, sad, and happy all at the same time. I am looking forward to this journey and all that is going to come along with it...I have nothing to lose and only new life changing experiences to gain. So...BRING IT ON!!! I've gotten through this whirlwind so far...what's adding one more turn in my life :) The fear of the unknown is kind of scary but I am oh so ready for this!
I don't think that I have related more to a song than this one...
"Starts With Goodbye"
I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
Na na na na na na na.
